To Your Grave
by Debstennersson
Summary: Natasha 'dies' on a mission and Clint is shattered. Natasha comes back to find Clint in deep trouble before she can even tell him how she's really felt for him all along.
1. You Were My Life

Clint's POV

I was supposed to protect her. I was supposed to watch over her. I was supposed to make sure nothing happened to her. If we got into a bad position, I was supposed to die in her arms, not the other way around. I can still see it all. Her dead, unmoving corpse, in my arms. Her blood, draining out of her body and onto my hands. I cried. All I did was cry and cry. Drowned myself in tears. Drowned in misery, grief, sorrow, pain and agony. I held her in my arms, close, crying into her shoulder, because at that time, that's all I knew how to do. I couldn't remember anything that ever happened to me at that point. All I knew was how to cry. How to feel like my heart was ripped out of my body. I couldn't remember how to walk, talk, run, breathe or love, because I knew I'd never love again. They tried to pull me away, they tried to pull her away, but I refused. All I did was sat there, shaking, crying, holding her in my arms, crying into her shoulder, pressing kisses to her neck, nose, cheek, forehead, lips, everywhere she loved my touch on her. All I could do at that point was hope it would bring her back. My Natasha.  
"Please Lord, don't take my Natasha away. Please give her back. Don't take her so soon. Please Natasha, come back to me. It's me Clint, baby, please come back. I love you." I remember saying while I stroked her stone cold cheek. She didn't come through. I was no longer Clint, because without Natasha, I'm not complete. I'm nothing. I have no heart, no soul, no reason to live. I don't exist, without Natasha. I'll never be the same.  
'Natalia "Natasha" Alianovna Romanova Romanoff, known by many, loved by all.' That's what I had engraved on her stone, because even though she never knew it, she may have only been known by so many people through her eyes, but she was loved by everyone. Natasha always thought she was never really loved by anyone but me. There wasn't one dry eye today. The service was short and nothing big, because I knew Natasha would have wanted it that way. She had always said 'If I go down in battle, promise me nothing big. No big funeral service or day of sadness. Make it a celebratory day... I don't want people to be upset or sad whenever that day comes.' Part of that I listened to, but there was no way I would ever be happy or celebrate anything again. I stayed long after the service and just stared down at her. Once everyone left, I fell to my knees, fisting my hands into the ground, breaking down.  
"How could you! How could you take my Natasha! WHY!" I yelled and screamed, crying into the ground, letting tears fall above her. I sat there, just staring. To her grave I spoke, holding a red, red rose. The gusts of freezing cold air, whispering to me that she's gone. It was pitch black out before I even lifted myself up off the ground. I put the rose down, above her, and I wrote her a note as well. I knew she'd get it somehow, even if I had to tell her myself. I couldn't live without Natasha. I wasn't going to live without her.


	2. You Are My Death

I awoke, fuzzy in the head, woozy, dizzy.  
"God damn! That stuff really knocks you out! Jesus, and this coffin honestly doesn't help." I told myself as I was waking up again. I turned on the earpiece and talked into it.  
"Alright, I'm up, Fury. Now tell me how to get out of this god forsaken coffin? I'll really be dead if I don't get out soon." Fury went through it all, step by step, and I finally reached the top and was out. I was covered in blood, sweat, and dirt.  
"I can see you didn't bother to clean me up before I was put down. Usually you look a lot nicer when you're in a coffin." I joked to Fury.  
"Well when you actually pass on, we'll make you look all pretty. It wasn't important for this particular situation." Fury responded, sarcastically. I laughed, but it all stopped after I picked up the rose and the note. I stared in shock, my eyes grew wide, and I felt the tears run down my face.  
"Fu-Fury!" I yelled, worry and agony treading in my voice. "Did Barton know this was part of the plan?"  
"We had to make sure his hurt was believable so we didn't want to tell him you weren't really dead until after, but we haven't been able to get a hold of him-" I grabbed the ear piece viciously and threw it to the ground, the tears streaming down my face endlessly now.  
"Clint!" I screamed as I ran to find him, dropping the note behind me. He never knew. He thinks I'm really dead. They can't get a hold of him. My heart was racing and I was running faster than I ever have in my entire life. My Clint. The note read: 'Natasha, you were taken from this world brutally and early. I was supposed to protect you. Make sure you never got hurt. I was supposed to die in your arms, not the opposite way around. I miss you already. I'm in love with you Natasha. I always have been and will be. I'll never love anyone again like I love you. I couldn't and wouldn't. I didn't protect you like I was supposed to. I can't live without you. I'm nothing without you at my side. I have no life, no soul, no heart without you. So, I have no reason to live if I don't have you. I need you, Nat. I need to see you again, see your smile, your emerald eyes, hold you in my arms, get drunk on your kiss. I'm not going to live without you, Nat. I can't. It's impossible. If you don't get this note, it's okay. I'll just tell you myself. See you soon, baby. I love you. - Clint'  
I finally reached the Avengers Tower. I ran inside and no one was there surprisingly. I ran through, yelling his name over and over. No response. I reached the patio area, where I saw Clint, about to throw himself off the tower. I tried to open the door to get out, but he jammed it shut with his quiver.  
"Clint Clint! Open the god dang door right now! GET OVER HERE!" I was yelling at him, tears in my eyes, banging my hand against the glass.  
"No. It's not really you." he yelled. "I'm not with you yet. You're up there. It's all a trick."  
"NO CLINT! It's Natasha! ALIVE! BREATHING!" I yelled, my eyes flooding with tears. He ignored me and began walking closer and closer to the edge, and I started to scream at him to stop, and I began to try to break the glass down to get out, running hard into it. He got right to the edge, and I snapped.  
"CLINT!" I screamed as I burst through the glass, running to him, catching him as he fell. I pulled him up and wrapped him in a tight hug. I continued to cry into his hair, covered in shards of glass, holding him so tight in my arms.  
"Ohhhh my god, Clint! Oh Clint!" I cried to him, trying to get a response. He looked up at me, and I began to rub his cheek. None of this seemed real. I couldn't believe any of it.  
"Why would you stop me, Natasha!? I wanted to be up there with you forever! And you stopped me!" he yelled. He must've thought I was just a spirit. That it really wasn't me.  
"No, I-I'm not dead! Clint, it's me! Natasha! Living and breathing Natasha! I never died! I was never dead, baby! I'm still here, and I always will be!" I yelled reassuringly, yet sadly. His eyes grew wide, and he lifted himself up to me so our eyes were at eye level. He held my face in his hands, then my hands in his.  
"Na..Natasha!?" he questioned in shock. "But, how did, you were, is it you?!"  
"Yes! Yes, it's me! I'm here! I never left, baby, I never died!" I told him reassuringly, a smile curving on my lips. He still stared in shock.  
"Oh my god! Natasha!" he yelled as he wound his arm around my waist and pulled me close to him. He locked his lips with mine in a forceful, yet soothing kiss. The heat of us began to burn, the heat of us so close. I slid my tongue past his lips, into his mouth as I pulled him deeper into the kiss, biting his lower lip. He picked me up in his arms, as I wrapped my legs securely around his waist, tightening my hold around his neck. He carried me inside and pressed me up against the wall, gently, but eagerly. He held me there and moved his lips from mine to my neck. I gasped and moaned at his soft lips touching my sensitive neck. It felt amazing. Him. He moved his lips from my neck to my jaw, pressing kisses.  
"Gonna make it up to you, Tasha. I promise." he whispered in his deep, husky, sexy voice. His lips found mine again, as he carried me to the nearest bedroom. He walked me over to the bed, and we fell together. I yanked his shirt over his head, and his jeans off his legs. He pulled the zipper of my suit down, and I bit his lip as he pulled the suit down off my shoulders and slid it off my legs. I kicked the remainder of it off, and he pulled my legs up around his waist, and I wound them around him securely, arching myself up to him, so we were inseparably.  
"I love you Clint." I whispered in his ear, as he kissed and bit my neck. I felt his lips curved into smile, and he looked up at me, and I smiled back seductively.  
"I love you too, Natasha." he whispered back, against my lips, and I kissed him again. As the night went on, it was around 4:20 am before we settled, wrapping our arms around each other. I laid my head on his chest, and he pulled me close, pressing kisses to my forehead, cheek, nose and lips the rest of the night. That night, we turned off the lights, but we didn't just sleep. I had to take him in. Take all of Clint in, because I never knew when I was going to lose him, and he never knew when he would lose me. We have to love each other everyday as if it were our last.


End file.
